A rage head of goodbyes.

I feel like I owe you something.

Let me take a klonopin, and talk to you.

I am back. I am sitting here, on my stolen mattress. I have a styrofoam cup of Dr. Pop in my hand, with ice, though the soda is cold. I am liking the ice, lately. Later, when I find the cup, the ice has melted, and leaves water. I am pleased by this, and I dump the water out. I take use of things, and then I leave them behind, to find them later, and see how they/ve changed.

They are not really klonopins. They are generics. I am chewing off-brand nicorette gum. My life is full of cheap knock off's. I am ready to talk to you, I have everything set.

I do not know what to give to you, my reader. Everyone is so vastly different, though there are things that unite us. I could appeal to that, to those uniting factors, but then I would be the same as everyone.

I will choose a different tactic. A harder one. I will be myself, though it pains me. It shouldn't pain me to be myself. I do not know why I am telling you this. You deserve something.

I said today that the only problem with stupid people is that you have to listen to them. This is true, and I shouldn't say these things. The only ever problem you ever had with a stupid person was that you had to listen to them speak.

No, this is the case most of the time. You can avoid them. People, I have found, have found ways of avoiding people that cause them discomfort.

Some people go right for it. The discomfort. Maybe there is a high, there, somewhere.

I am from a poverty background. I believe people live for their different highs. I do not know how to feel about this. I do not know if you feel the same.

The top two things that a woman looks for in a partner is honesty, and a sense of humor.

Hahaha, everybody does and has that. Well, a lot of people. They want the right honesty, and the right sense of humor.

I have developed a bad sense of humor, and I laugh too much. Girls think this is just fine. Girls are silly.

I am slowly starting to not view myself as a smoker anymore. Or, conversely, if you like the big words, I am starting to view myself as a non-smoker again. Whatever.

I will enjoy the occasional cigarette and probably cough and hate it.

I made really, really good grades this semester. This is something to be proud of. Though I am a schizophrenic, I really show a lot of promise and potential.

All good things.

All my friends have been calling me over the break. I am touched. They like me.

This is good, because I want to be myself, and I am a person who likes to be liked. Heehehe. I am sorry if this offends you. This desire of mine, of liking to be liked.

Will I change to be liked? Ho ho, that is the question. Many will debate this.

We always change, to be liked. Sometimes.

See, I said always, and sometimes. You must hate me.

This is the part where I would add a really good quote about something. Like, despair is just a stone's throw away from a fucking rainbow, or something. That would be some awesome shit. You would tell all your friends. Laugh for me, and my dream.

It will not be me to say this, but everything has already been written and produced. But new things keep popping up everyday. It is always quite possible. It is always a new rearrangement, every day.

It would be really cool if I lived your life for a day. You might not think so, but I bet I would find tons of neat shit about it. It is always good, this new perspective.

The revolution is a new perspective.

I wish I could have a cigarette, and write to you. That would be so chic. I am so anti-chic. I like chic people. I secretly envy them. They have a gift of life.