Willows

“I want klonopins. These are the only things that provide any amount of relief or help.”

I can't change the schizophrenia medication, because all the other ones will dope me up and make me sleep all the time and I couldn't go to school.

“I can't do it. My boss would have my neck, it is against policy.”

I let that sink in. The small amount of relief, however small, would be gone, and I would continue to descend further down into the living hell that my mind was creating.

He goes “Keep talking though, how have things been going?”

“Well, I might be starting a band, though I don't know how that will go, I'm doing fine in my classes, I constantly think I am bringing evil to the world same old same.”

We talk for a little bit, I give him some samples of my mind, he calls me a deep thinker and he goes “Alright, my boss is going to kill me, but I'll write you the klonopins because you have no other choice.”

I say cool and then he goes “Wait, hold on.”

He starts looking up stuff on his computer. Sometimes I know more about the medications then he does. He tells me I know more than most of his colleagues on how they function and how they work.

“Wait, I think I've got it. Gabapentin, it increases Gaba in the brain like the benzos, but it's different. This should do it.”

Turns out that there's a new experimental Gaba therapy for schizophrenics that I believe Ford even mentioned once.

Turns out it was exactly what I needed.

So now everything is totally different. I still have some weird lingering issues that are holding on, but everyday those are starting to become clearer and make more sense. I am understanding even more of my teachers, if you can believe that.

In fact, it's weird, but now that I am normal again I am starting to talk to some of the kids in my class and I find out that they are struggling. They are studying like crazy in my classes. Honors students even. I never study, or I do it just barely. I have to keep this shit to myself. College has become ridiculously easy for me. I'm starting to branch out socially. The band is getting new members and people are asking for us.

This is fucking amazing.