But

this is why, for ages, they have preached detachment as you fully understand things.

Ah, me, I refuse it.

ROBOCOP

We construct our minds from beginning to end. Always. I wonder if the last breath is a breath of relief: A sigh, as you say "Ah, no more, no more."

I do not know.

We must entertain ourselves, or we will be nothing.

We are given deep, deep things in our minds that we set out to attain through our lives, and only some have an inkling of it.

The fact of the matter is..

is...

We create it as we delve for it. We create every

moment

forward.

And so...

I will never give up my dreams.

I will never give up hope.

This was all that was left in Pandora's box, when all the evils came out.

Ricky Tick

Of course, it could be this inflated sense of hope that is poisoning me. I don't know.

There are too many things to solve. I'll keep living for that too. What's worse, to know all the answers, but you can't communicate, or communicate but know nothing?

You take one look at the population, and you tell me.

Blast off

I live with an artificially inflated sense of hope for the future. I am aware of it.

It is to keep from shooting myself in the face in the reality of my situation.

Ah, me. I will keep living as long as I can bring myself to others.

Tonight, tonite

I'm having an off day today. The little blue pills are kicking back up, so I'm a little off-center.

It is alright.

I was posting random things on my friend's facebook, like phrases that were as if we were having a conversation, but we weren't. I was finding it really funny because people would be like "Man, what are those guys talking about?"

Then I got to thinking, oh well they will probably find out that he is not saying anything. And then what I thought to be creative and funny will just turn out to be just weird.

Story of my life.

I see a psychologist, I don't know if I've mentioned that. She's a CBT. Psychology is not indicated for schizophrenia, but I do very well, so it's good.

We're finally getting to some deep stuff which is cool. She does adlerian too.

I wrote something on my whiteboard to remind myself to ask her this question so I can further heal and things.

It being : "My basic motivations behind my interactions."

I honestly don't know what they are. I don't know what motivates me when I interact with people.

We have determined though, through many sessions, that due to the pain of my leg, and the way I grew up, I have become deeply, deeply disconnected. I am very far removed from my reality.

It hurts, coming back. I've been deep for years.

Quadromatic

I contacted Mr Mans Wife. I need to start the blog back up again. All systems go, kick off the cobwebs, let's do this.

There is so so much, I do not know where to begin.

I'm still in school. I was doing Computer Science - Software Development, but now I'm switched over to Web Development.

The music is... well, that's another story. I did get to play out a week ago at a coffee house and made 130 in tips. Some people threw in 20s. It is good music.

I really don't know where to start. I wish this were more interactive.

Deck the Halls, my friend

Hello hello hello.

A little blue pill. That is it.

Let me tell you, let me tell you. The past three days my antidepressant was in a friends car.

I just got it back today. I took it a little while ago. I am feeling better.

Ting a Ling you son of a bitch

My mother is dying. She's been suffering from a lot of problems this last year, but now she apparently has bleeding on the brain.

The IQ results are in on me, 155+.

I am extremely depressed.

My music is on the internet. Ask me about it.

I don't know what else there is.

Hong Kong Phooey

I slept very hard. Was in a plane that was high jacked to Japan. Had two koi in my pocket. I own two koi they are beautiful. I was concerned with them on the trip.

Gave them to the Empress of Japan in my dream. I talked with her. Played her some music. Every room had beautiful warm crystal clear water in the bottom of it. I left the koi there.

People were in fear of them, for they did not know what they were, they looked large and powerful, and were afraid to touch them.

I handled them like a God.

I saw stars....

Gee whiz.

Neutrinos

Yeah, it's a year later. I just woke up. I can not remember the process that got me to this page this morning, since systems are activating and it was a burble from my subconcious in the echoes of my mind that rattled around in the engine and alerted me to a new knock I most hold on to in fear in the start up process as I make my long trek in this beautiful world with the fragility of my vehicle. Power up.

Welcome, again, and again, and again.

Hello

Wow.

A Year Later.